Gwyneth is Eating Carbs Again

Carhartt wearing cavemans and MAGA bodies

Like I predicted 3 years ago—we are seeing the anti-GOOP era manifest before our eyes, so much so that Gwyneth Paltrow admits she’s back to eating carbs and cheese, what she once considered highly inflammatory, which became the cornerstone of GOOP, other’s however see it as a sign of the impending apocalypse, I will leave you with my favorite video on Gwinny Goop.

What we’re discussing in this issue—

• What does a MAGA body actually look like?

• Is the market hungry for $35 beef jerky?

• Albertson’s letter is a fuck you to emerging brands

• What is Pepsi’s future in a MAHA world?

• Yuzu will be the next matcha-

• Do we really need allergy RTDs or protein popsicles?

Your Fitness Routine—It’s Political

The New York Times recently posted about Hasan Piker being a progressive mind in a MAGA body, which we all know they actually meant to say MAHA but knew it would be better clickbait to use the former, why? If you ask ChatGPT to describe the MAGA body it brings up the description of out-of-shape people as opposed to the American Psycho-esque obsessive fitness routines that practiced by MAHA personas like RFK Jr., for now Hasan seems to be far from a Giga Chad. As Americans continue to create dividing markers to further indentify themselves, we are entering a dystopian era where being fit is being correlated with a political movement, a detriment to us all,

Why is $35 Jerky at Sprouts?

Over the weekend I came across this brand at the innovation set of Sprouts, to my horror it was priced at $35 dollars, a stark contrast to every other snack and beverage brand next to it.

Is Sprout’s looking to become the next Erewhon?

Will Carhartt sue for infringement?

Does Ben Affleck know they used his likeness to create this AI caveman?

Albertson’s Is Not An Ally

Fuck Albertson’s for telling brands (suppliers) they will not accept cost increases and will expect brands to eat up the cost of tariffs. Please read this amazing piece on how tariffs will only make monopolies stronger.

Keep It Simple Pepsi

As MAHA grows stronger Pepsi is rushing to add health halos to their snack lines, in an earnings call PepsiCo’s CEO Ramon Laguarta mentioned they are looking to accelerate their transition to natural ingredients as pressure from White House mounts. More about food dyes and how big companies are coping coming soon…

Is Yuzu the Next Matcha?

Not enough is talked about how much yuzu has permeated into US menus and products, kinda like what matcha did. What YUZUCO has done, being ingredient-as-platform is pretty incredible.

Their products are used from restaurants to bars, and can be found in grocery as well. Yuzu-ade is so smart, particularly that green tea one, it's like an upscale Arizona. It'll be interesting to see if this can get adapted into mainstream like matcha products did (similarly what Guayakil did with yerba mate)—one good indicator, if you search for “yuzu” in Walmart you’ll get over 1,000 searches, things are happening!

Late Stage Groceries…

Like I wrote in my last essay, the pantry has become a parody of itself. I wish this was a fun joke but honestly I feel things keep spiraling out of control—I spotted this “Allergy RX” RTD at sprouts and also came across this protein popsicle brand, what the actual fuck is going on.

Who is funding these brands?